ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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