How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
