do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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