I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
