I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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