He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
