I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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