he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
