isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I want her autograph on my taint
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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