I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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