help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
