I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
