he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
