Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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