I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
