Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
