at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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