Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Text me some of your sweat
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
