my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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