threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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