my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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