Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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