guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I want a musical about memes.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
