dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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