pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
