Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
