How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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