It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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