She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
