the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
