Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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