he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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