OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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