Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
