Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
