I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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