Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
