A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
