just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
