Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
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