i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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