This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
