moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
