i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I got inside last night via doggy door
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
