I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
