You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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