At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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