he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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