I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
