btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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