Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
