my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
you made out with another girl for some wings
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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