i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
