I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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