The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
