She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
