so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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