Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
