I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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