Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
