i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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