Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
