Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
