You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
