can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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