I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
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