i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
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I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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