You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
